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krazystar00795
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Name: KayWalk
Location: Katy, Texas, United States
Birthday: 3/29/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: Music, art, make-up, movies, photography.
Expertise: Photography and Art.
Occupation: Manager
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  ohemmgeeitskay
Member Since:
2/28/2004
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| Okay. The swine flu is not a big deal.
I'm getting tired of all the conspiracy and death theories.
It's over!
I got aTwitter account.
Which is nice.
and I also have a YouTube account.
which is also nice.
Go check 'em out. :D | | |
| Over the past two months I have done nothing.
I fell in love with a guy who doesn't love me back.
I cheated on a guy who loves me more than himself.
And I spent money on things to open up a business
but really didn't do much of anything to open up that business.
So we're gonna get this shit straight.
Forget john. he's a thing of the past.
and continue my education along with hopefully speeding up the process of my business.
I am thinking about what I want to do with my life...
I'm also limited to a cheap class that will get me there, seeing as how I don't have much money to spare.
I'm looking at the HCC website, and they have continuing education courses which might help me out a bit.
I am thinking about IT.
I hate IT.
John works in IT.
but it's good money.
People can't live without computers nowadays.
So if I get my A+ certification and work on that
meanwhile trying to open up my business
I think I'll be fine.
because I'll always have that IT to fall back on if photography doesn't cut it for me.
and I've always (sort of) had that interest in computers.
I can work at a call center and have my own office like i've been wanting to.
of course I'm going to have to spit out a few bucks for this.
$517 is what the course costs. twice a week for 9 weeks. almost ten. a whole 72 hours of class.
and it's right down the street on I-10 and Fry.
My other option is medical.
But I hate doctors and I hate ill people.
I hate shots and blood, too.
So. . .that field is pretty much ruled out for me.
I'm leaning towards IT.
Because then, It'll be easier to get into Graphic Design.
Which is what I want to do.
I'm going to start saving up for college.
I'm going to get this shit done.
I have to. :)
I'm going to drag Manuel along with me.
We need to fix our relationship.
We need to go back to being crazy in love with each other. <3
I'm working on it. | | |
| I want you to be happy.
Therefore I am letting go.
Even if that means I won't be happy.
job searching.
again.
I'm also working on getting a new camera so I can start my business. :D
I'm excited. | | |
| I am getting to the point where I can't be without you.
I'm like a little puppy waiting for you to say "come here" so I can do whatever you want me to do.
I hate you for that.
But I can't hate you. . . I love you.
Yesterday when we were talking about you moving to NJ, all I kept thinking was "please take me with you..." I don't know why I just want you.
It's not just a sex issue either. I honestly don't just want you for sex. Honestly.
I was thinking about your debt issue, and most of the time I kept thinking "if only you guaranteed me something serious (as far as our relationship goes) I would help you move out of your parents, I would help you pay off all your debt, I would help you mostly do anything you need to do to get rid of all the stress you have. . . but you won't. You just won't."
I haven't said anything to you, yet, the reason being I don't want to lose you.
At the same time I want you out of my life NOW. I want you to leave and I never see you again. I want to straighten out my life and get rid of you.
Why are you so addicting? | | |
| I never expected that to be my reaction towards how I feel about you.
"Fuck, I love you"
I have my reasons for feeling this way, I promise. I probably seem like a little shit today, because of the way I've talked about my husband and the way things have been going on the last couple of days.
It's about 12:18am and I'm trying to express myself in writing. It will not make sense, I guarantee that, but I will look back at it and remember what I was talking about.
John-
I don't expect you to tell me that you feel the same way. I really really don't. I love you. Before you go back and ignore everything else, please let me explain. I am NOT in love with you. I just love you.
I was actually thinking about asking you if in our situation I'm allowed to get emotionally attached, but it would be a stupid question because we both know I already am. I don't expect you to be. My reasons? I haven't opened up to you enough for you to love me back. I think you care about me, but you don't love me-- and unfortunately for me-- there's a difference. In the past month, I have analyzed your actions, in fact your every move. I have analyzed the way you talk to me, and the way you treat me, and every time we see each other I learn more and more about you. I absolutely adore the way you are. I love that you are older, smarter, cuter...you treat me well, you care enough to ask questions about me, you talk to me and honestly care about what i have to say and you remember our every conversation. I like that. You also are tidy and neat, almost like a little button. It's absolutely adorable. I keep trying not to get attached to you but you make me feel wanted, desired, important and most definitely like your girlfriend. I miss the idea of being single and having a future with someone. . . unfortunately for me, you and I know I already decided my future. You have no clue how many times I have thought about and actually tried to get rid of my current relationship with my husband. . . for you. So that I could spend my time with you with no worries, my time with you freely, so that I can say "This is John, he is my boyfriend" -- oh the fantasies in my head start to form and they alarm me. . . because they mean that when we decide to end our affair, me getting hurt is unavoidable.
Like I said I don't expect you to care for me the way I care about you. I don't expect you to say I love you back. I just want you to know how I feel. . .because if this progresses to me falling IN love with you. . .then I will MOST definitely get hurt, and we need to stop seeing each other NOW.
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How I wish I could get those feelings out to you. I can only hope one day you will bump across my xanga site when you search my name on the internet. I can only hope I can tell you how I feel once and for all very soon and find out what you feel for ME. I love you, and I miss you quite terribly, and I would drop everything in the world for you. I am sorry.
Someone shoot me, please.
I am an unfinished painting. . .and you are the last drop of paint that makes the painting complete.
I am going to dedicate to my photography from now on. Full blast. Fuck everything else. | | |
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